choices

"eating handfuls of caramel popcorn. why, you ask? because it's.....HERE. on my desk. oh willpower, wherefore art thou? thus ends day 1 of the Fat Smash Diet."

i posted the above on my Status Update earlier today.  i just had to.  i was truly so filled with self-loathing that i actually started cracking up inside, and had to laugh out loud at the absurdity!  hating myself because i was enjoying the caramel popcorn so much!  how messed up is that.

part of my irriation at myself was because i had started the day off so well.  non-fat yogurt, an egg white, and a banana for breakfast............a salad with grilled chicken, sunflower seeds and a teeny bit of dressing for lunch.........and then..........BAM.  couldn't keep my hands out of the goodies.  and then, you know what happened at dinner.  i had already bombed so why not eat a second helping of lasagna and garlic bread, and make chocolate chip cookies.  eat half the dough, and then 12 cookies.  you know how it works - once you've blown the diet, why not BLAST IT INTO SMITHEREENS.

i digress.  anyway, i am determined to eat better.  mostly because i want to work toward being more healthy overall, but also (and i'm not going to deny it), i'd love to drop a few pounds.  i'm not overweight, not by any standard, but lately have felt kindof puffy and fleshy?  pants are a bit tight, don't want to wear anything that might show the backfat, have to disguise the muffin-top...........you know the drill.

so, over the weekend, at my bro-in-law's birthday party, another bro-in-law announced to me that he had lost TWELVE POUNDS IN TWELVE DAYS.  (boy, did that statement ring in my ears for days).  he looks great, and i am really glad for him.  and he didn't say it in a "gloaty haha you suck" kind of way, but genuinely excited about it, and happy to share the method that my sister is helping him to execute.  they have discovered a diet where you detox your body by cutting out most everything but fruits/veggies, beans/rice, egg whites...........basically you let your body recover from processing all of the junk we eat (meat and sugar being the big culprits), and your metabolism starts to scream and burns fat like crazy.  my sis tried it a while back to kickstart her metabolism after having her second baby, and it worked well for her and for her husband.  she is naturally slim and svelte, but this did help to get her metabolism where she wants it.  now she looks like heidi klum.  seriously.  and if that isn't inspiration?  i don't know what is.

i just want something to get me motivated --- when you see results, it really (at least for me) confirms that i'm doing something good, and i want to keep doing it.  even more than i want that bag of sour cream/onion potato chips and the 8 brownies that are left on the plate.

so, today was Day Number 1.  and it was a huge, epic fail.   the funny thing is, i wasn't hungry.  i just wanted something sweet and crunchy.  so, tomorrow i'm going to make sure i have some apple slices and maybe some clementines on hand.  and, keeping my fingers crossed, hopefully the guys at the office will have demolished that evil caramel popcorn so i won't be tempted.

tomorrow is another day.  as always.  thank god.