15 September 2009

something new

isn't it amazing that feeling you get when you try to do something for the first time --- and it works?

try making meatballs from scratch.  yes, i am on the north side of 40 and have never attempted it.  but i was motivated by my sister's story of meatball-making with my two nephews, and how much fun it seemed.  she is an amazing cook, and she really enjoys it.  i don't.  i cook so we can eat.  period, the end.  but i've got to do something to make the dinner-hour prep and cook time less onerous.  less of a torture session, with audible sighs of distaste, and more something i look forward to - or at least something i can survive with a minimum of frustration.  so i got my sister's recipe, hit the store and put on my apron.  literally and figuratively.  (i can hear the chortling from all who know me, but honestly i just didn't want to get sauce raw meat oil/grease crap all over my clothes.  you know how i am when i eat, it's much worse when i cook.  frightening.)  anyway, they were really good (thanks L) and i'm a trifle embarrassed i was too intimidated to try them before now.  not really all that difficult, and very tasty.....

or, another new (and frankly, terrifying) thing........like writing a blog - and actually publishing it.....i really enjoy the blogs i read most days, and find myself feeling like they are my buds, my cohorts, my pals.  they make me laugh, and they also remind me that there are other people/women out there who might be going through what i'm going through, or feeling what i'm feeling.

my sosister-in-law (slang for sortof sister-in-law, she's actually my sister's sister-in-law) writes an on-line journal and i love it.  i enjoy reading about the things that bring her happiness, and the things that challenge her....the funny things her kids do and say........and about the relationships with those she loves.  you know, all of the important things in Life.  she's a really good writer and i felt inspired after i started reading her posts on a daily basis (thanks girlysmack).

so i figured that maybe writing one myself would be a good, even cathartic, experience.  it certainly can't hurt, right?  and even if it does, probably only for a little while.   !!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm a very private person, as my family can attest.  i don't put myself Out There very much, and keep a lot of things inside.  i'm one of those people who lets everything percolate for a while in my head......until i come to a solution or to a place where i feel better about things.  i'm not a talker, a communicator or a verbalizer.  it's a character flaw, or maybe just a character trait,  but i'm pretty sure i'm hard-wired that way.  sometimes it is actually physically impossible for me to talk about Anything until i've had a chance to go round and round in my brain and heart about it all.  so having stuff out there that others can read has been kindof a big step for me.  but i'm hopeful that putting things in writing will help me to get some clarity.  the written word has a tendency to force you to look at things more concretely.  writing also makes me feel ok about myself, as if i've actually accomplished something positive.  and i'm in real need of that right now.  so here goes. 

anyway, lately i've been feeling.........stagnant? stifled?  certainly unmotivated and uninspired.  i'm not sure. i've just been floundering.  so i'm forcing myself to do things i don't regularly or normally do, in the hopes that i will snap out of this mini-funk and feel better.  meatballing and blogging.  wow.

i'm actually thrilled that we had homemade meatballs tonight.  maybe not an earth-shattering event for some, but pretty big for me.  and i'm actually cool with writing about it and about other stuff too.

i've been inspired by many, influenced by a few, and pushed by even fewer.  meatballs and blogs. who knew.
we'll see how it goes.


Anonymous said...

thank you for sharing with us :) keep writing...as good as it feels for you to write, it's even better for us to read. i wish i had your courage! ps--will definitely be trying the pepperoni bread.

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