stymied

woe.

i've had a day where i said the wrong thing to Everyone, and Everyone said the wrong thing to me.

why is it that some days things roll right off, and other days things stick like burrs you can't get out of your hair? 

maybe because it's been a LONG week.  that's my story, anyway, and i'm sticking to it.  truthfully though, it has been stressful, busy, hectic, and packed full of the little moments that leave a mark.  and not in a good way.  i feel like i have welts all over from the little slights and snarks.

most of the time i'm pretty impervious to things like this and thick-skinned.  not today.  actually, not for the last few days.  feeling put-upon (taken for granted, taken advantage of.....the list goes on) has left me headed for martyrdom.  oh the drama.

and lo, venting is required in order for a modicum of maturity to be regained. 

let it begin.

i think the worst thing is when someone in a position of authority and responsibility continually falls down on the job, and isn't held accountable for it.  everyone else mops up the mess, picks up the pieces, and keeps things rolling.  but because they are adept at covering themselves, it doesn't come to light as quickly as it might otherwise.

i personally think it's time for the buck to stop.  while it is not particularly my job to point out these egregious grievous awful embarrassing constant stupid unacceptable errors, we are well into double digits (!) over the last two weeks.   big things too, not little things.  big things that really affect others.......this someone is in a position senior to me, but when the work/product overall is suffering and morale is sinking, what is the solution.

these little fissures of resentment breed bitterness...............then respect starts to erode and your whole perspective begins to change.  i think you're more likely to distrust an opinion when your internal radar is pinging, don't you?  when you are thinking to yourself, "this person is continually dropping the ball, how can i support them and their decisions, as fully and totally as before".

we all make mistakes, get distracted, lose focus every now and then.  but when it becomes habitual and almost EXPECTED for this person to make these types of blunders, i think action is required.

so, Heads Will Roll.  let the Face Punching commence!

nah, i just said that to get it out of my system.  after verbalizing my frustrations, i feel a bit better already!

now if i can just stop letting these frustrations get the best of me........

maybe i'll be less like Cruella deVille tomorrow and nobody will want to throw me out a window.

while i might lose her personality, the white streak stays.

sister

friend supporter champion gift true confidante familiar collaborator treasure inspiration motivator idol forever believer ally advisor bond giver comrade advocate distinctive solace challenger savior extraordinary teacher

heroine

i have sisters.  each unique and matchless in their charm and in what they bring to the world at large.  witty, smart, generous, elegant, kind, thoughtful, classy, selfless, funny, beautiful.  they are so exceptional and i admire them all more than i can really articulate.  that they are so fabulous shouldn't be surprising, as they have Our Mom as an example.  it's certainly no secret that we worship the water she walks on.

sisters are easily taken for granted as they are always THERE.  when you need them and when you don't, but mostly when you don't think you need them, but deep down inside, you really do.  that's actually when you need them most of all. 

the camaraderie, the solidarity, the unity.....can lift you when you are down, and hold you there until you can manage on your own. 

you are never alone as she is there in spirit, if not in flesh, and the connection that exists is the strongest, and sweetest, of all friendships.

sisters are there to revel in your success, to share in your joy and happiness.  to appreciate and empathize...............and mostly, to Understand.

how lucky am i to have that four times over.

these people say it better than i ever could....................

A sister can be seen as someone who is both ourselves and very much not ourselves - a special kind of double.

-- Toni Morrison
 
A ministering angel shall my sister be.

-- William Shakespeare
 
A sister is a gift to the heart, a friend to the spirit, a golden thread to the meaning of life.

-- Isadora James

Sweet is the voice of a sister in the season of sorrow.

-- Benjamin Disraeli

A sister is a little bit of childhood that can never be lost.

-- Marion C. Garretty
 
We know one another's faults, virtues, catastrophes, mortifications, triumphs, rivalries, desires, and how long we can each hang by our hands to a bar. We have been banded together under pack codes and tribal laws.

-- Rose Macaulay

Just Do It

i often dream that i am running.............weightlessly gliding across the terrain, heartbeat in my ears, effortless. i breathe easily, my stride is long and comfortable.  it feels better than i could ever imagine.

then i wake.

if only i could translate that feeling into my normal day, when i'm actually awake and could use some peace and serenity. i have never LOVED running, but used to do it regularly for exercise and for the quiet it brought to my mind. few things top the feeling when you have finished a long run. the endorphin high lasts forever............

sadly, that endorphin high is akin to the feeling gained after consumption of copious amounts of chocolate. or pizza. or BBQ potato chips. or genoa salami by the handful.......all of which completely counteract most of the benefits from the exercise to begin with.

at any rate, going to the gym and running were a part of my daily routine for years. then came knee surgeries, professional demands, children...........it seemed that the hours of the day became less plentiful as each year went by, and the excuses multiplied faster and faster.

what to do, what to do. how to re-motivate. how to make the time. how to grab that desire again.

honestly, Motivation is all around me. i have friends in abundance, and sisters, who work out regularly, run, go to the gym. they are all so fit and look amazing. if that isn't Motivation, nothing is..............

but there are always excuses. my latest one was The Snow. hard to run when it's freezing, snowy, windy, right? well, those excuses were pathetic this week as the weather actually improved, and much of the snow melted.  to make matters worse, i really can't even use the weather as an exuse.  i own a treadmill.  YES, i do.  it's in my office.  currently its being used as storage for some files boxes, and some clothes that needed to dry.  pathetic actually isn't even the word.  appalling might come closer?

i had to search elsewhere for some of that all-important Motivation.

as is often the case:  SHOPPING!!!!!!  it becomes the cure for all that ails. seriously. i figured that if i had a new pair of running shoes, and some other miscellaneous running THINGS, well certainly i'd feel it necessary to put all to good use. 

sadly, when i started going through all of my "workout gear", and i use those two words very loosely, i discovered these items.

yep.  brand new, tags still attached on all....................

then to make matters worse, much worse actually,  i TOTALLY forgot that i had gotten these when i was supposed to be Christmas shopping for others!

yay for me, i had actually taken them out of the box but, so far, they've only been used for walking into Starbucks and the grocery store (candy aisle of course), as i tried to maintain my strength to get gifts purchased and shipped over the holidays.  hardly the thing that Olympic dreams are made of.  

so, it's back to the drawing board. 

soon i won't have the winter layer of sweaters, vests, and long-sleeves to camouflage the parts that have become...........fleshy.  roundish.  jiggly.

and let's not even venture into swimsuit territory. 

oh.  wait.  I MAY HAVE JUST FOUND THE LAST SLIVER OF MOTIVATION. i really do not want to be mistaken for something mammalian that lives in the ocean.

so.  after i go out and buy some more cool, comfortable and fun things to wear, the workout regime begins in earnest.

really.

superlatives

well, SnoTorious B.I.G. is now past.  there almost aren't any words to describe the magnitude of snowfall, so i guess HUGE, GINORMOUS, RECORD-BREAKING will have to do.  we got just a hair under 29" here in alexandria, and it was pure hell trying to dig out.  while i tried to stay ahead of the snow by shoveling throughout the blizzard, it was still quite the task.  losing power after the snow had ended was just the icing on the cake, to be perfectly honest.  it got mighty chilly by morning with no electricity, that's for sure. and the loss of cable/internet/phone was absolute torture.  i was feeling like laura ingalls wilder with candles and huge down comforters everywhere...........(now all i need is some fresh maple syrup to make candy and the picture will be complete).  supposedly we're going to be hit with another significant "snow event" on Tuesday into Wednesday, but so far the newscasters are playing it down.  i think it's so they won't be tarred and feathered in the streets of public outrage.

i know that everyone can read all about The Historic Snowstorm on the internets, and newspapers, etc..........so i won't bore you with any more of that bunk.

here are a few shots, though, for all of you out-of-towners, to give you an idea of just how much Fun we have (not) been having.  i guess the fun starts after the shoveling ends?

notice that the tree in my front yard is again featured prominently (and probably annoyingly, to most of you), but it helps to give me perspective......

more photos can be found on my flickr photostream to the right, under "a day in the life" tab......

the snowstorm was scary, cold, windy, icy, loud, and absolutely stunning in its power.  Mother Nature sure does wash away the yuck, and leaves skies of cerulean blue that cannot be matched.............

the air has never been this crisp and clean.

la nieve

snow:  Snow is frozen water that falls from the sky. All snow flakes have six sides, but no two snow flakes are the same.  Snow is precipitation in the form of small white ice crystals. Snow is formed from the water vapor in the air at a temperature of less than 32 degrees Fahrenheit.

blizzard:  A blizzard is a severe storm condition characterized by low temperatures, strong winds, and heavy blowing snow. By definition, the difference between blizzard and a snowstorm is the strength of the wind. Ground blizzards are a variation on the traditional blizzard, in that ground blizzards require high winds to stir up snow that has already fallen, rather than fresh snowfall. Regardless of the variety of blizzard, they can bring near-whiteout conditions, which restrict visibility to near zero. Blizzards have a negative impact on local economies, and can paralyze regions where snowfall is unusual or rare for days at a time.  (duh.  see also: Northern Virginia and Washington, D.C.)

those are the Real and Official definitions. 

i prefer these, myself: 

blizzkrieg, blizzardpalooza, snowmageddon, snotorious B.I.G, snowpocalypse, feblizzard, snOMG, (or, in this case, snOMFG), the big snowbowski, snowtastrophe, shovelation, shoveltastic, snowgasm, snowzilla, snowbliteration, keyser snowze, snownami, oblizzarated,.............TAKE. YOUR. PICK.  all monikers for our latest venture into Winter Wonderland..........

and It Begins: 

not too bad yet, but we'll see how it goes overnight, as we are expected to get 3" per hour at the height of the storm, with 24" on the ground by 11 a.m. 

hot toddy anyone?

conceding

all i've been hearing all morning:

"at least it's a PRETTY snow".  wha???  who cares. 

well, ok, it was.  kindof.

enough

apparently, via some weird time/space continuum, i now live in minnesota, greenland, alaska, or some other place where the godforsaken snow is not an anomaly, but a regular occurrence.  so far this winter we have had one HUGE snowstorm (22" here), one medium sized snowstorm (7" here) and one small snowstorm (2-4") expected tonight.  kindof like The Three Little Bears only colder, snowflakier and much less fun to read about.

we live south of the Mason-Dixon Line, and any kind of snowfall wreaks havoc and mass confusion when it falls from the sky.  even if it's just a little bit.  so the snow-removal resources are already stretched pretty thin.  and the general populace is losing its ability to deal with it mentally and emotionally.  oh.  it's just me?

tonight's snow is supposed to be over around midnight, but school will probably be cancelled for tomorrow.....AAAAANNNNDDDDDDDDD.  more snow expected this weekend.

it was kindof fun the first time as we were prepared for it well in advance.  it was really good sledding snow, so we made the best of it.  it was cool to put on ski pants, hats, scarves, boots.............but that novelty wore off pretty darn quick.  honestly, one storm --- that's all i really need.  one good blizzard per year suits me just fine.

i am now overdosed on snowflakes, and have no interest in seeing ANY. MORE. SNOW.  

so!  Wishful Thinking: